DISCLAIMER I am not pregnant, but we hope to have children in the next few years, which has me thinking about motherhood more. I’m realizing that who I am today is who I’ll be as a mother. These are just thoughts on that.
What kind of mother does a woman like me become?
I have to assume that my inner workings and most notable traits won’t change all that much after I become a mother.
I will still be unpredictable, a little too quick to anger, also a little too quick to giggle, day dreamy and sensitive.
I will probably also still be stubborn and mean sometimes, and strong and passionate most of the times.
I will still want to wear interesting clothes and earrings.
I will also still be falling in love with every person I meet. (Will my children like or dislike this about me?)
I am probably going to slow down my driving a little and pay more attention to the food I eat and the risks I take.
But I’m probably not going to change the way I procrastinate and make excuses.
I will still be a good cook and a lazy reader.
I will still be a control freak to some, amenable to others.
I will still love the spotlight.
I will still sing, and think I’m better at it than I am.
I will still be fascinated with sex and intimacy, and my kids will probably hate that.
I hope that I will take my children’s criticism with a grain of salt, but also not dismiss their queries.
I hope that they like some of these things some day, even if it’s after I’m gone.
I hope that they inherit one or two of the good things.
I hope that they can laugh with their father about some of the bad things.
I might be a little too strict sometimes, a little too lenient others.
I might love a little too hard, pushing them away without meaning to.
I might worry too much.
I might want to hug them too much.
I might try to protect them when I should be letting them experience life.
I might be selfish.
I might teach them their first curse word.
I might inspire them.
I might also annoy them.
I might not give them what they need when they need it every time.
I don’t know what kind of mother a woman like me makes, and I won’t until the day comes.
I can only hope that this missing pieced puzzle of traits adds up to a whole and able mother for the human beings we raise.